Having doubts about divorce? Consider discernment counseling.

Having doubts about divorce? Consider discernment counseling.

Do either you or your spouse have doubts about whether or not to get a divorce? Can your marriage be saved? Are you sure that you’re ready to split up?

If you need assistance determining whether to try to save your marriage or file for divorce, you can find that guidance here. You might benefit from a short period of discernment counseling. Instead of addressing your marriage issues directly, discernment counseling can help you figure out whether you and your partner can work together to fix them.

Have you and your partner been debating whether or not to try to save your marriage? If one spouse isn’t fully committed to saving the marriage but is still prepared to try, discernment counseling may offer you both the tools you need to make one last, best effort to work things out. The goal of discernment counseling is not to fix your marriage, but rather to help you figure out whether you and your partner are really committed to making your relationship work.

When couples therapy isn’t the best option

When both partners are invested in making the marriage work, marriage counseling can be very helpful. However, couples counseling often yields poor outcomes if either you or your partner are only partially committed to the marriage-saving process. It takes time, effort, and dedication to work on a relationship.

It’s discouraging when your spouse isn’t giving their all to the relationship. In most cases, the “leaning out” spouse only puts in a fraction of the work required to keep the marriage together. Marriage therapy often fails due to insufficient engagement from both partners.

What is discernment counseling?

Dr. Ryan can help you determine whether you’re both devoted enough to save your marriage or if you should separate. It’s common for people who are leaning out to rewrite history (claiming things like “we never truly loved each other”), downplay the effect of divorce on the kids, or exaggerate their chances of meeting someone better. Studies have shown that children of divorce sometimes have long-lasting negative effects, including dissatisfaction in their own relationships.

Discernment counseling helps to avoid half-hearted, doomed-to-fail marriage therapy. In only a few sessions, you and your spouse will discover whether or not you can make the sustained effort required for effective marriage counseling.

What to expect in discernment counseling with Dr. Ryan?

Gain confidence in your next steps. Learn the causes of the problems in your relationship. Examine the paths available to you for fixing your issues and remaining together. Figure out whether you want to end the marriage or go all out to fix it.

The process of discernment counseling moves quickly. In as little as one to five meetings, you can reach a decision and be ready to act.

Avoid pain and regret in the future.

Many people who have divorced later come to deeply regret their choice. Don’t let regrets weigh you down later. Discernment counseling can help you evaluate whether you should attempt to salvage your marriage or proceed toward divorce.

Second and third marriages are equally likely to be unhappy or to result in divorce. A part of the discernment counseling process that may be helpful even if you divorce, discernment, counseling, can help you see the role you played in the marriage problems. Understanding your role in this marriage increases the likelihood that your second marriage will be successful.

Get help now

Before making a permanent decision about your relationship, reach out to Dr. Ryan today. Getting a professional’s perspective before making a final decision about your marriage may just be the best decision that you make.